Ghetto of the mind

Today while listening to NPR they had a piece on foreign youth in rough living conditions in Sweden. The journalist pointed out how he went through the same thing and that the cycle they lived in was not real. They were not forced to be criminals or forced to fail or forced to live in a ghetto. It was all in their head and in their mind. There were options available for help or people who would employ them and there were other choices they could make instead of choosing to waste life peddling drugs and pursuing crime. They believed they had no options and thus they were imprisoned in a ghetto of the mind.

I was thinking about how I have a similar thing in my life. I am not a failure or a recluse or an outcast or someone unlovable. But because of my childhood and how I have reacted to problems or painful situations with all the messages I receive and accept without challenging them I have it in my mind that I am a failure, a recluse, an outcast & unlovable. I realize I have accepted many untrue things and continue to live as they are true without challenging them even though deep down inside I do not believe them but do not really know how to live free from them. It is an odd thing to contemplate but I realize I have allowed myself to believe things that are not true and it has affected me. How many dreams I have given up on because I doubted myself when I should not have…a few. How many relationships have I walked away from because I could not see someone sincerely cared for me…a few. How many times have I not even attempted to tackle a challenge because I thought I would fail…a few.

As I question what is true and real I reflect on how to live with that truth. By questioning it and following those questions I end up pursuing my deepest desires. To get to those desires I realize I need to be bold and do things I have not done before. Not because I simply can but because there is no reason why I can not. There is no reason I will why, so why have I not tried pursuing those desires? This is what it means to live. This is what it means to be free from the limitations I impose upon myself in my own mind.

Getting old

A sign I am getting old is realizing my most prized possession is a pair of ear plugs. That is freaking sad considering I am only 36.

I don't like the Beatles

As I sat in a coffee shop today I realized for the 500th time I don’t like the Beatles. I always think if I give them a chance and try to like them it will happen…doesn’t work.

Exploring Morrison again

I talked about exploring Morrison a month ago and have not done it. I keep getting caught up in hanging out with other friends or having time to myself or house sitting.

On Labor day I went out for a hike in a near by park and explored a bit of Morrison. I hiked around Mountain Falcon park for a couple hours before having lunch at a wing place in Morrison. I found a coffee & ice cream parlor called Ozzi's which has very tasty mixed coffee drinks.

I was able to combine my desire to explore a city & town with my love for hiking and the outdoors. I was glad I could get out and explore. When I think about how to define living it is doing the things one enjoys and I did live this weekend.

Rainy nights

There is something about a gray overcast day or night with light rain that gets to me. It moves something deep inside me. I use to think it was romantic. Lately I have thought it was tied to some weird fascination with sad moments & loneliness.

Tonight as I thought about it I wondered if maybe it is both. Maybe I am a tragedic romantic, drawn to the amount of suffering in those moments.

More than anything it reminds me of my creative side and passion. It is so easy to get caught up in life and loose touch with those things that breath life into one's soul.

Discount

I had a moment the other night. I was going to see a late night showing at a movie theater and instead of buying the tickets from the clerk I went over to the self-service kiosk. I was wondering if the machine would sell me a discounted senior citizen or child ticket. I am clearly an adult and thought it odd I could walk up and have options to purchase discounted tickets without any system in place to monitor the sales. I also began to wonder if anyone at the ticket stand would check my ticket to see which kind of ticket I purchased.

It was time for an experiment and considering I had not thought out what to say if I got caught I was taking a big risk. I did purchase a discounted ticket without anyone checking it. I got into the theater just fine.

I amazed how on one hand our society implements technology to make purchasing & service easier in the business industry yet it is not fool proof and opens up loop holes for people to take advantage of & exploit. I could have sat there a few minutes after thinking about it and guessed with a high degree of certainty that anyone could have done it. Instead I choose to do it and see if I could get a way with it. I will never do it again but it is a funny story and if anyone wants to get discounted tickets to movies you now know how.