Solitude

As the snow storm of 2006 blasts Denver I'm house sitting (at last a snow storm I can remember!). The first few days of the storm I was snowed in. I'm sitting for friends of friends that I have routinely house sat for over the last couple years. They live close to city park, the zoo, and the museum. A nice neighborhood full of young couples & families. It is interesting to be the young single guy but hey...my presence makes the neighborhood diverse.

I have finished two books, watched 7 movies, and spent copious hours sleeping & shoveling snow. It is weird to shovel snow at someone else's house...mainly because it isn't my place. Maybe I'm a little hypersensitive about where to pile other peoples snow but I'm not as senstive about using their dishwasher, frig, TV, and large bath-tub.

When I house sit it is just me and the freedom from distractions. I usually don't tell people where I am and sometimes I don't answer my mobile phone. It is nice to get away and be completely unavailable. I'm an introvert and in order to recharge my batteries I need time alone. Usually I end up so busy I have to demand time alone and some people don't seem to get that. Most people who know me wouldn't peg me as an introvert. (I have tested as an introvert on the Myers Briggs & Keirsey ever since I was a freshman in college. Ever couple years I retake it to see if I have changed and I haven't!) House sitting for me isn't appealing because I am paid (that is a nice & welcomed bonus), or because some people allow me to eat their food, use their hot-tubs, and raid their book & movie collections. House sitting is appealing for the time alone.

FYI...I'm house sitting through Dec 30th and if you call I will return your call ASAP. I needed a few days completely unavailable without distraction and I was able to achieve that the first few days of the snow storm. (That and I forgot to take my phone charger with me!)

Holidays of years past...

Two years ago my house was burglarized two weeks before Christmas. It was the first time that happened so during the holidays I was grappling with the meaning of Christmas & feeling unsafe or insecure in my home. How one looks at the world and what safety or the feeling of security in one's home is forever changed after one's home is broken into. Despite it happening I was very glad it happened.

I am one of those types of people who knows what the holiday means for me (as a practicing christian) and what it represents but each year before the holidays I need some time & space to recapture the meaning of Christmas. That particular year I was so caught up in the hustle of getting gifts on time, and visiting friends who were in town to see family, and every other thing that I had to get done I neglected to give myself time to stop and reflect about what Christmas means.

I remember after coming home to a ransacked disorderly living room while waiting for the police to come investigate, my dad and I were taking an inventory of everything that was missing. As I was going through a couple rooms I remember thinking most of what was taken was just stuff. It wasn't extremely important & nor had an sentimental value. We lost a few guns, CDs, a PC, any spare change laying out, some watches, among a few other items that could have been sold at pawn shop. I still had my life, my family, my memories, a place to live, most of my possessions, and my soul. Most everything that isn't a material item or physical belonging can't be taken from me and has deep meaning or value.

Everyone we talked with made it sould like having one's house being broken into was a big deal that & we had been horribley wronged! Sometimes when people would comment on my situation I was offended by how dramatic people would react or what they would say. I have three reasons or perpectives.

1st reason - The irony of when it happened! At the time of year when giving and thinking of others is suppose to be the most important quality our house was robbed (I don't care who you are - that's funny!!!).

2nd reason - The idea of giving especially to those in need. Maybe the person who stole from me was some delinquent or maybe it was someone who was genuinely in need and knew of no other way to provide for him/her self. I don't say this to justify what happened - stealing is never justified. But I do say to acknowledge those who genuinely are in need. And if my loss helped someone in need I am okay with what I lost that day (what's more important, me having a nice watch & a bunch of CDs or people being able to feed themselves?).

3rd reason - The value we place on possessions. It doesn't bother me I lost most of the CDs, some DVDs, a few comics, some change, and my watches because all of that can be replaced. It could all be replaced with better, more expensive, and the latest model/edition of those items but it hasn't. It is a nice reminder that while I have lost precious little there are people out there who have lost jobs, homes, families, and everything they need just to survive. There is alot more to life then stuff, trinkets, all that glitters, and the vanity fair. I definately don't put my hope in stuff that can be stolen from my house (as a practicing christian my hope belongs somewhere else and in someone else).

Some day I'm buying stock in Pepto

The other night I woke up at 2am to do shots of pepto and then play a rousing game of toss-toss-turn-turn but get no sleep until my alarm went off. In my sleep deprived state I was so angry I blamed it on my bed and the soup I had for dinner. Blamming everything on the soup makes sense but not my bed. I think I just needed a scapegoat and because I lost sleep my bed served as the real scapegoat.

So I have stomach flu, no sleep, and I'm angry and going to work just seems like a bad idea but I do it anyway. Not because I'm an adult, not because I had work to do, not because I love my job, but too spite my bed. I'm 31 years old and attempting to spite inanimate objects! I HAVE ISSUES!!!

To make matters worse I make the brilliant decision to consume lots of chocolate & pepsi most of the day thinking the sugar would keep me awake. Wasn't thinking about what it would do to my tummy...by the end of the day I was ready to buy a stomach pump & a years supply of rice cakes.

So after talking myself out of writing campbells soup angry letters every day for the rest of the year & burning my mattress I realize I'm getting old. This is what old people do! They get upset over something and blow it out of proportion. I guess I'm getting older. It isn't a bad realization to have and keep in perspective. (If any of you see me walking with a cane in a few months please beat some sense into me?!?!)

Concert

So I haven't been to a live concert at a major staduim or arena in a couple years. I Saw Dianna Krall & BB King a couple years ago. Aside from those shows the last major concert I attended was when I was 14. This means I am not a avid concert goer so if I attempt to tell you otherwise don't believe me (You probably shouldn't believe me if I ask for money, diamonds, gold, etc., etc.,).

I saw Manhiem Steamroller the other night. WOW! I always thought they were like a side show to Yanni & easy listening music buffs but I was seriously impressed with the mix of classical instruments & rock musicians and the light show is phenominal! I have to say I would attend their show again.

Blood Diamond

I just finished watching the movie Blood Diamond. I was extremely impressed with the movie! The acting was great, the story was original and well thought out, and the plot was excellent! There are alot of layers to the movie and I'm still thinking about it and unpacking parts of it but it is my recommendation to any serious movie goers out there...go see this movie!

Although after watching it I experienced a variety of emotions, anger, depression, excitement, and restlessness.

I was angry because this move came out in 2006. Why didn't it come out 3-4 years ago when conflict diamonds where cutting edge news? Why did Hotel Rwanda come out 15 years after the killings & the conflict? Are we going to wait 10 years from now to do a movie on Darfour?

I was depressed because I have been to Africa. I was in cote d'ivore for a couple weeks about 10 years ago. You don't forget visiting third world countries. You shouldn't. There are sights and experiences there we don't have here in America. I am sure many of the people watching the movie with me thought most of this was just a hollywood story or a super idea but over hyped with drama & hollywood stars and therefore it couldn't be real. I haven't been back in 10 years but I follow stories in the news (usually BBC has more information & better coverage). I know most everything in that movie really happened or was inspired by similar events in Africa.

I was excited because a friend of mine has aspirations of one day living & working in Africa in a humanitarian relief organization. He is going through medical school and has already completed one medical missions trip to an african country and has signed up to do another on. It is exciting to know there are people who are using their skills, degree, and education to help others in another country instead of living here and making a ton of money here in America. Nothing wrong with making lots of money and doing well with one's skills & education. I uphold my friends heart for others above what money he could make here in the US as selfless and noble. I wish I could do the same.

I was restless because I want to do something! I want to help Africans who are affected by the senseless injustices of war, genocide, poverty, and HIV. I'm restless because just watching a movie about genocide and injustice doesn't sit well with me. I am restless because on some level I am aware I can't do much to help those Africans. I can send money, I can pray, I can talk to people about the situation, I can join Amnesty International or sponsor a child through some third world relief agency and those are all EXCELLENT things to do but it doesn't seem like it's enough. As a free man in one of the world's richest countries I want to do more to help and be a part of the solution to what is going on in regards to suffering & injustice in Africa and other parts of the world, but it seems like I can't. AND THAT is what is frustrating.

New tricks

Most of my life I haven't enjoyed playing golf, playing cards, and hearing a doctor say "Turn your head & cough". I haven't liked golf & cards because I didn't know how to play or the rules of the game. The turn your head and cough deal...that is self explanitory.

A friend of mine has become an avid poker player. I have seen him & played Texas hold'em with him (although I'm sure he plays quite a few card games aside from Texas hold'em). Somehow a group of various friends began talking about cards & poker and it lead into a regular event at his house. He is an extremely gracious host and card dealer who keeps everyone on track (quite a few of us have the attention spans of a news reporter with ADD).

In the past I didn't like being in an environment where I didn't know what was going on but I know enough that playing cards with this group is fun. I am the least proficient card player with the least amount of experience but I have held my own. I use to think if I could play cards and knew enough I would do it just for the money but I don't even care about the money. I do it for the game. I do it for the challenge, luck of the draw, and the competition. I am starting to the see the difference between playing the game and playing the person. There is something curiously fascinating about being dealt a few cards and trying to put a hand together that beats other people & their cards. I am starting to understand the art of bluffing and betting. I'm not claiming to be a great player or having those aspirations. It's just nice to know enough that I don't feel like I hear "Turn your head and cough" when I loose money at the game.

Diet

So last week I had jello & orange juice for breakfast. Aside from it being very sweet & tasty....it wasn't filling. If any of you choose that diet I recommend eating a bagel, banana, or piece of toast with the Jello diet.