The Last Kiss

There is a scene out of the movie The Last Kiss that I enjoy & put some ideas I have had into a different perspective and very tangible wording.

A father is confronting his daughter's partner about why he cheated on his daughter and also giving him some advice about love & being faithful. He says something to the effect of: Everyone says they love someone, saying you love someone means nothing. Your feelings only matter to you. It is what you do to those who you say you love that matter to everyone else.

Habits

Most 32 yr old men my age are home with their girlfriends/wives or families at close to 9:30 on a week day night. Not me, I'm driving down town to meet a friend I haven't seen in a long time.
He is in town for a wedding and called saying he had a rough day and will be spending a few hours at a favorite coffee shop/hangout we use to frequent years ago.

As I'm driving under flourescent lights & along empty streets I realize I do this all the time. When there is a friend in need or someone who calls and asks something of me I usually drop whatever I'm doing to help them or assist them.

As I drive I comtemplate why I do it. It isn't because of duty. I'm not getting paid for it nor am I any sort of professional problem solver. But I almost always respond so maybe it is because of a sense of duty. There isn't always a desire to do whatever people ask of me but there is a strong desire to help people. I'm motivated by a sense of duty and desire. I am no different than anyone else as far as duty or desire are concerned...I just rarely think about these types of things and often wonder why I do what I do.

yada, yada, yada for the last weeks

I have been on crutches for two weeks and I haven't hit anyone. This either means I'm becoming mature or no longer amused by mean & cruel acts. Two weeks on crutches and I never even thought of hitting someone with my crutch...wow I must be depressed.

To pass the time while I'm imobile I have started reading again. Read a book titled Rough Trade by a Stephen Jackson. It is a true crime, suspense, drama about a killer who frequented prostitutues and killed a gal in Boulder and most of the story takes place in Boulder & Denver. It is less then 10 yrs old and has a great story of redemption for one of the prostitutes. I don't recommend it as the reading wasn't fascinating nor was the story gripping nor did it cover new ground. It was just cool to read a true crime story that took place in my state!

I do recommend 2 movies, The Prestige & Unknown. The Prestige has good cast with good performances but the story is amazing. Good stories seem to be rare in Hollywood these days. Unknown is an independant film about five men who regain conciousness in a warehouse and have no recollection of who they are & why they are there. There is evidence of a struggle, a gun, rope, a smashed cell phone & good performances by Greg Kinear, Joe Pantoliano, & Jim Caviezel. The way this movie unfolds you are kept guessing until the very end! I haven't been this pleased with an independant movie since Crash!

House sitting again. The first night I forgot I didn't have a key to the garage door & left the garage door opened locked in my car in the garage. I found out that 24-7 emergency lock smiths can find you very quickly & be some what expensive. (So I tried calling the people I was house sitting for but it was 7 a.m. and explaining my car was locked in their garage and I couldn't find a key to their garage door was embaressing.) It was also embaressing to call in late to work explaining I locked my car in someone else's garage. I have learned embaressment knows no boundaries or has no age limits.

Holy deja vu hop along man!!!

I did it again, sprained my right ankle. If I had a dollar for every time I have sprained this ankle there would be somewhere between 7 -10 bucks in my wallet. It was last sprained entertaining for a youth camp February 2006 and now a little over a year later, sprained again.

Last year I wanted to run in the Colfax half marathon and had gotten up to running 4-5 miles when it was sprained. I had been possessed by a consistent fear I will resprain it or damage my ankle if I started running to soon after the injury. Because of this persistant concern I waited an entire year to do any sort of running, jogging, or vigorous exercise putting weight on my feet.

I knew I would have to work hard to make up for all the progress I had made and it would be difficult training for any type of race after not running for a year. It was my first time running last Saturday & I was excited. I was able to run a mile and half to two miles with no pain. Despite being terribly out of shape which was accented by huffing and puffing I was really happy as I approached my finishing point. A few steps away from ending my run I tripped and while trying to catch myself rolled it and then landed on it.

So after spending a week on crutches & watching my foot, ankle, and lower leg swell up to the size of a nerf football I have decided to take up swimming, sewing, or competitive thumb wrestling.

I can't complain, though, as I work in an office full of women and I have recieved enough sympathy & attention to last me all year. The swelling has gone down and I can stand on both feet & I'm planning on taking good care of myself for quite a while so we shall see how long it takes to recover this time.

Another Research Study

Yep I was in another one. This one did not require a fat sample out of my rear but it did involve two 24 stays in a hospital with multiple blood draws. The study I was involved in was testing a medication’s effect on individual genetics. Apparently certain people carry a gene that is tied to the release of an enzyme which prohibits the body's ability to absorb this medication.

I didn't find out if I carried the enzyme or not but I did find out what it's like to have an IV in your arm. They drew blood so often, instead of poking me each time they inserted an IV with a short tub & a locking cap. When they needed blood they would unlock the cap & suck it from the tube.

I discovered that certain nurses don't laugh when I screamed "OW that hurts! You aren't a real Nurse!" while they draw my blood. The nurse I pulled that on got even with me. She made such a bloody mess when she put in my IV that when I looked down I almost passed out, which did make her laugh.

I also discovered they inject saline into the tube to clean it out. Enough saline is injected that it travels up tube and into your arm. Almost a second or two after they start to inject I could taste it in my mouth. I could also taste plastic.

They had to wake me up at 3 a.m. for a blood draw. I learned I can't go back to sleep after having a blood draw at 3 a.m. & hospital beds aren't too comfy. I also learned the food in hospitals is amazing!! The staff would offer me snacks and keep asking me if I had ordered all the food I really wanted. It was like an all you can eat buffet with nurses & hospital rooms.

For those of you in Colorado, who are interested in extra cash & contributing to medicine or science, check out the UCHSC study's page: http://www.uchsc.edu/vivat/studies.html. They offer info about studies, who qualifies, and who to contact if you have questions. Participants of every age are needed and for a variety of medical related issues.

What are you doing bro?

What are you doing bro? I love hearing a friend of mine ask me that question because I can tell he sincerly is interested in my life and what goes on. We have had a lot in common but this year things have taken a change.

We were both in Grad school and involved in our churches. I took this semester off grad school and have stopped being actively involved in the church I was involved in. It was weird to tell him because he is excited about the stage of life he is in and what is happening on this journey in life. I haven't been excited in a long time. I don't know if it was burn out, frustration, lack of food for my soul, or something else.

I didn't like who I was last semester in Grad School. I was insanely busy and didn't have any time to do anything. Maybe some of it was burnout. I wasn't able to do anything I need to emotionally recharge so maybe some of it was lack of rest. I am still working through all of it and re-evaluating what was going on last fall.

I knew one thing for certain, I couldn't go on doing what I was doing. Or I couldn't keep not doing what I was suppose to be doing. Somewhere in fall semester I realized I wasn't smoking what I was selling so to speak. I looked good, had great points, people loved me as long as I did what they wanted, but I could really have cared less about anything I was doing. It didn't take long for me to realize this and I know alot of people in helping professions, social workers, police officers, pastors, medical workers, counselors, etc., etc., come to point where they talk about this and end up in this I-don't-want-to-do-anything limbo. I can't speak for everyone else but for me, I discovered a part of my soul. I have always been in touch with my soul and aware I have one but there was something that really wasn't right about last fall. I'm trying to put all the pieces together and it may take some time.

I don't know where I was going with this thought but I wanted to reassure everyone I have been talking with or friends who read this blog & I haven't been talking with, that I'm okay. Dropping out of school & church is temporary. I promise not to spend the rest of my life playing poker late night & goofing off. Those activites too are strange to my soul and not part of the long term journey. Yeah, I'm just making a pit stop on the long journey of life.

Just a pit stop.