Good friends are like guard rails

So what do you do when life is causing you such pain & heart ache you can't find the strength to go on...first you make sure you don't have any open untreated wounds or are wearing wet spandex with sand in it (I have heard that is very painful...especially if it is too tight).

Don't have either of those? Then you have something called a problem. Most aren't fatal and everyone gets them from time to time. They are like life's version of the mumps or measles.

I had a problem with a friend at work and because I'm a man (we men don't admit we have problems and don't like to go to other people for help) I was letting it irrate me to the point it became a major sources of stress for a few weeks. While catching up with a friend I haven't spoken with in a long time, this area of concern came up and he had a few things to say.

It has been a while since a friend has had to say something that hurt me or put me in my place. He was humble, gentle & firm yet didn't lie and told me what I needed to hear to deal with this growing problem. The funny thing was I had been trying to solve the problem and had looked at it from every angle & tried almost every solution except the one he proposed. With in two days I knew he was right and the almost hurtful words he shared didn't seem to hurt so much any more.

Good friends are like guard rails, they only hurt you when you are out of control and leaving the highway of life. They keep on that road and gladly take any bumps you give them without complaining much.

(P.S. I didn't give my friend any bumps...just in case anyone was wondering what that last line might have implied)

Yeah baby

The other night I dreamt I was back in the 70ies sporting a mullet. Through the entire dream I was being chased by Ricky Schroeder who was wearing a red flannel shirt. He was a police officer.

That was the begining of an uneventful day and the end of a surreal dream.

Memories

I will never forget walking into on of my last finals my first semester in college. It was the morning after a shooting took place where I worked. I was running late and the class stared at me as I entered the room. Some were shocked to know a classmate was almost killed the night before, and some were shocked to see me, but I think most were happy to know I was there. The professor asked a few questions about if I was working last night and if I knew any of the people who were killed and had any details on what happened.

She was very sweet and offered to let me retake my final at a later date. Sitting down to take a test the morning after one losses his co-workers, place of employment, and almost my own life is a surreal feeling. Don't misunderstand me, I was & still am grateful to be alive but any normal every day interaction from that point forward didn't seem real. I wanted to get on with life and I knew the world wasn't standing still for me but I couldn't get what happened the night before out of my mind.

I can not imagine what the students at VA Tech are going through. For some people this is the type of stuff that shakes you to your core & every thing in your universe. My experience is extremely tame to what many have gone through. A year ago I had dinner with a gal who was at Columbine the day the shootings took place. She was shot at but not hit or wounded. I had just met her and didn't know her well but judging by how she talked about it I could tell that seven years later she still hadn't dealt with all of what happened that day.

The thing that sticks with me is every day since then when I watch the news I am not just watching a story of someone being murdered, killed, or a victim of violent crime. I am watching someone's son, or daughter, or mother, or father, or lover, or friend and it isn't a nameless face they are talking about. They are talking about people. After having gone through an experience with violent crime it isn't just another senseless depressing news story I want to turn off because the news only reports depressing stories that get me down. Some how other people's humanity is hightened in my mind & heart as I hear these stories. Each one is a seperate tragedy with worlds more to the story then what fits into a two minute news spot.

I remember three days after the shooting at the place where I worked I was standing infront of the restuarant with some co-workers. We were starring at the shrine of flowers, cards, and trinkets people had dropped off infront of the restuarant doors. Some lady I had never met and didn't know came up from behind and hugged me. She held me tight even though I wasn't crying. I didn't ask her to and I have no idea why she choose me but I will never forget that lady because that hug meant more to me then anything in the months that followed.

After something like this people don't really want answers or someone to be held accountable & blamed. All any senseable human wants is to be comforted & reassured that everything is alright. I pray to God someone is hugging those college students at VA Tech, or bringing them meals, or talking with them, better yet listening to them & letting them talk. I pray they get to see their families and friends again, spend time with them, and tell them they love them. More importantly I pray their friends, family, fellow students, community, and maybe even complete strangers find a way to express love, comfort, and assurance to them.

Do you believe your own hype?

Recently I have heard alot of co-workers, friends, medical students and patients complaining about Doctors who think they are god and talk down to people and are stuck on themselves.

A friend of mine was telling me how he hasn't spoken to his sister in years. She is a beautiful model for beer comercials and has been in local radio promotions. He said he can't stand being around her about a year ago or so because she has started to buy into all the hype about herself.

The idea of hype is interesting. We are social creatures who look to others for a certain amount of approval. If we recieve it and it is positive we feel good about ourselves. If we recieve too much or consistently absorb what people say about us without divorcing who we are from it or without any rational criticism then over time we can believe it and make ourselves more who we are. We buy into our own hype!!

It is easy to look at Celebrities or Doctors or Politicians as people who are the only ones who are subject to it but I think we all do to a certain degree. We live in a world where messages are constantly being created & sent around us & to us about how people percieve us, who they think we are, their opinion of us, if they think we are funny, pretty, outgoing, etc., etc., etc.

I have a few friends who usually compliment me on my looks. Nothing distasteful and it is all in good fun and that is how I have always taken it. One friend likes to grab me and call me sexual chocolate. I have never listened to them and thought "That's right I'm the cat's meow!!!" I laugh about it and take it as their way of showing attention, affection, or just to get a reaction out of me.

So the other day I remember thinking I'm decent looking and nice. A certain lady I know has repeatedly brought it up in casual conversation she is single and has no one to go out with. I had developed a crush on her eventually asked her out. She said no and BLAM...I was denied! As I was contemplating all of this afterwords, because I don't handle rejection well, I remember feeling a little sad. There was no comfort from any of my friends who told me I was good looking or cute. Part of me wished I was full of myself because then her rejection would not bother me and I could easily pick up some other female. But I knew that no matter what happened that rejection is a possible risk when you like someone.

Four days later I noticed a female co-worker checking out my rear. I realize all is not lost, there are other fish in the sea, one was just checking out my fanny, and I must be very shallow for this to make me feel better. As long as I'm not stuck on myself...I can live with being shallow.

Ethan Moses & Debra Wire

got married. They have been dating for a few years and I'm sure most people who knew them saw it coming.

I was a groomsman in the wedding, so most of the weekend was spent with the wedding party, having dinner, and at the rehersal dinner. It was a very busy weekend and luckily the walking cast I'm wearing is black and matched the tuxedo to some degree.

I have always enjoyed going to weddings and seeing people who love each other get married. There is something sacred there, something precious that seems almost rare in our society. Even marriages aren't immune from pain & trouble. Over the last 10 years I have seen more divorces, unhappy marriages, and failed attempts at relationships then I want to remember.

As I'm standing on the stage watching the bride & groom all of this is in the back of mind for maybe one tenth of a second because the look of love on their faces when they looked at each other was remarkable. The wedding party was so moved by the ceremony that the ones who weren't crying were struggling to hold back tears. It is impossible not to be moved when one watches a couple who were made to be together, a couple devoted to one another in love get married.

I wish you both the best!