My life story in a cookie

I opened up a fortune cookie a week ago that had the most accurate fortune I have ever read. It said - "You attract everything you need and most of what you want"

I like it so much I keep it on my dresser. I may get it framed...

My only beef with the cookie is all the things I really, really, really, really, really, really want I don't seem to attract. If I ever decide to go postal about it you will hear about it. Just look for the headline about a man attacking food servers in a Chinese restuarant...that may be me...

I confess I watch reality TV shows

Yes it's true. In the weeks after my sprained ankle & not being as mobile aside from reading more I have started to watch a few Reality TV shows. Hells Kitchen is fun just because I can't imagine cooking in an upscale restuarant having drama but it does! I love it when the lead chef yells at people...it's my secret guilty pleasure. Lately I have started watching America's Next Top Model. (Because I'm watching it for the women does it make me shallow?) I have caught an episode of Big Brother and few of a show called Age of Love.

I have a facination with watching people getting kicked off a show. That's how these reality series's work. There is usually some sort of challenge or competition, maybe even a few every week and eventually the contestants are put up before a committee or a judge who says you may or may not be eliminated (followed by dramatic supsenseful music...at least in my head anyway). Then they review each person's performance or have some sort of vote and then people are kicked off the show.

The part that amazes me is how much the contestants get into what ever it is they are competeing for and how shaken up they are when they are elminated from the show. Usually people are angry or sad and there is lots of crying. It seems like many of them where eliminated for a mistake they had made or couldn't adjust and it ended up being their end. I was watching one show because I liked a particular contestant. She was eliminated and that was what happened to her. I remember during her exit interview she was crying & talking about how she knew she about her mistakes but kept making them. She mentioned she has to learn from her mistakes & grow.

It's crazy to think we live in an age where we watch other people's lives on TV for entertainment. We watch them win, lose, we watch them laugh, cry, and even leave the show they are a part of and to an extent we are a part of. For a brief span of time they get up and bare their soles on national TV for everyone to see. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be different if everyone could see it? What mistakes would I make? Would I learn from them? Am I waiting until I get on national TV to blow it and learn a lesson or am I learning right now?

For a friend

Last week I sang, performed small sketches & monoluges, and hosted the VBS for Galilee Baptist Church. I didn't expect to be doing so much but a friend had asked me for my help. I knew she wouldn't ask unless she seriously needed the help so I agreed.

Besides it was fun! I had the opportunity to get children of all ages excitedly screaming about everything from the daily slogan & theme to raising money for the churches missionary fund and even sling shots & mangos. I was surrounded by positive people who believed in me and encouraged me with ideas & appreciated me. Despite all the work the environment at church was great and the people were wonderful.

Not to say it was easy. I don't have great time management skills and I was trying to juggle making annoucements on stage, getting speakers & singers up on stage, and put lots of energy & enthusiasm into my brief minutes of opening the evening & dismissing the group to go through a gauntlet of activites we had set for them. A time or two I didn't say what I meant to and had to apologize for giving misinformation during an annoucement. I noticed a couple nights everything I said felt canned & ungeniune. After the first night I remember wondering just how good I done up there and was in need of some feedback or encouragement and I didn't get any until the next night.

At a couple points in time I caught myself remembering when I was child & how programs ran & how well leaders seem to do. For some reason as a child I thought the adults running the program were professionals who had done this all their lives. I remember thinking they were trained and seemed to pick up what they did naturally & effortlessly. They made everything look so incredibly easy. Now I wonder if they were more like me. Were they thrown into a program because of obligations? Did they have some experience with crafts, or singing, or speaking here and there but no official training? Did they have a passion to be involved in the progam & have a love for children? Or did some of them do it just to help a friend?

For a pint of me juice

I donnate blood. I haven't in a few years and recieved a call to go donnate last week. I use to be afraid of needles and I still get a little dizzy & nauscious but it isn't anything too terrible nor does it prevent me from donnating.

The crazy thing about donnating blood is I have wanted to do this all my life. My dad use to do it and I knew a few other people who did it while I was growing up. So when I was kid I use to think when I donnate blood it will be a sign I have reached adulthood and I will be cool!!! And when I started donnating I ended up getting dizzy & turning pale afterwards. When you turn pale the nurses bring you juice or water and slap a big wet towel over your forehead. Which takes away from any cool factor or feelings of manhood. Needless to say I have been trying to work on my breathing & looking away from the arm they draw from to alleviate the dizziness. (Which works!)

So I went to donnate and I asked about giving platelets & plasma because they are in need of donnors who can give platelets & plasma. After they checked my veins & my platelet count they recommended I donnate platelets next time because my veins are big enough & I have a high platelet count.

So far I'm feeling good and then my blood is drawn. I have a hard time seeing blood, especially my own. At one point I made the mistake of looking at the tube coming out of my arm and knew I didn't feel well & was getting dizzy. I tried to relax and breathe and thought I was doing fine. After I was finished they let me go and I walked over to the snack area. I could tell I was a little dizzy and a little off but not much and I was almost out of there without being forced to drink juice & have a wet towell on my forehead!!! Just as I was making a coffee selection the nurse who took my blood called me over to her station. She asked me to lie down as "I looked pale" she said before putting a wet towell on my head and giving me cranberry juice! I was so close...almost got out without having to wear the cursed wet towell!

I don't know what's worse. The fact that I feel dizzy & feint after donnating or that I try to sneak out of there without having them put the wet towell on me & make me drink juice. (It makes me feel like a kid again!!) You know it's bad when the really white guy is told he looks pale!

It's beautiful outside...no really I mean it!!!

I'm not an outdoor person. I can count the number of times I have been camping in my entire life on two hands. Once I got lost and seperated from the other campers for half a day (got in alot of trouble with my dad on that day!). Another time while hiking out in the wilderness for three days, completely away from civilzation, after the first day I lost the iodine we used to clean water and make it drinkable (didn't make any friends on that trip). I once sat in poision oak for close to 15 minutes while playing hide & seek (It was a great hiding spot). The worst was while camping before hiking Pikes Peak with a couple friends, I spent most of the wee hours of the morning chasing a raccon around the camp site (My friends didn't sleep well and I don't think they were too happy with me).

Yeah hahaha...laugh at tales from the guy who can't read a compass or start a fire.

Lately I love seeing nature & the outdoors. I have started walking outside on my lunch. Braving the hot weather and leaving the comfort of air conditioned floors to get some sunshine. Maybe I have been inside too long! Because when I am outside and the sky is clear I can't help but just stare at it, or trees.

A coworker of mine has an office with one wall that is almost entirely window and every time I go in her office I have to walk right up to it and stare out. I can see people scurrying along and cars humming down streets & highways. Sunshine paints everything in light and I can even see the platte river, the Pepsi center, and Elitches...the view has this breath taking effect on me that I actually have to remember I am at work in order to stop staring and walk away from the window.

Today a baby robin landed on my dad's car and we walked out and got with in three feet of it. It refused to move as it starred us down. I haven't been that close to wild life in a long time and despite that it was just a bird, devoid of any exotic flair or fell into the status of protected speicies, it was deafening to see it so close.

Deafening. Seeing a bird was deafening? Am I mad? What about a bird is so worthy of notice and why should anyone define it as deafening? There is something transdent about nature. It has a quality that is so peaceful & still yet it can make one painfully aware of the feeling that we belong in nature and out with all of nature's creatures & spendor. There is something overwhelming about being in nature and knowing we belong in this organic setting that is bigger than anything we know.

Whether it is beautiful sun rise or an ugly tiny bird on a car giving me the eye....I love nature.

Something bright

Early Sunday morning when most people are sleeping I'm driving home from an all night poker game. It was at least a thirty minute drive and I was eager to get home and fall asleep in my warm bed. Driving home early in the morning after playing poker all night has become a frequent occurance over the last few months. Each time it happens I feel extremely tired and wonder why I stayed up all night. This time I noticed something else.

The sun wasn't up but it was dark either. The sky in the east was just starting to lighten up with yellow mixing in with the darkness creating varying shades of blue, turqoise, and yellow. I have seen similar pre-sunrises many times lately but this one was different in the energy it seemed to possess and radiate. I couldn't help but stare at the sky wanting to drive to a vantage point and watch the sun come up with in the next hour. I knew the marvel of the morning sky was immenint and this strange precursar to it held my attention capitive and focused my mind on one thing...there was something big coming.

A year ago I wouldn't have watched nor gotten caughten up in the awe & wonder of the experience. A year ago I was applying to Denver Seminary's Masters of Counseling program. I hoped to graduate while working part time for a few years and enter the counseling profession shortly after graduation...that was what I thought my life would be like. I had it all planned out.
But after a semester of full time work, part time grad school and almost more then part time volunteer work and discovering the counseling program wasn't as flexible with working adults as I hoped & needed, I droped out of the program.

About two weeks ago I was hanging out in sports bar and started talking to a guy named Shannon. We talked about sports, hobbies, and our professions. At one point he asked me what I was passionate about and how I wanted to get there. It was then that I realized not only was I off the course I had set for myself but I was drifing aimlessly. He started talking about having goals in life and how it helped him get to where he wants to be. He also mentioned he mentors people and pours himself into teaching & training others to help them reach their professional goals.

I will probably never run into Shannon again never see him teach nor recieve any training. But the realization about having a goal to move towards lit up my mind. As I drove home last Sunday morning starring at the at sky I couldn't help but reflect on what Shannon said. If I have goals and move towards them, then my future will be bright and big things will happen.