Mom is in the hospital

My mother is bipolar. That is a mental illness and I never remember how much I have blogged about this in the past or what I have disclosed about my thoughts and reactions to it. My mother had her first bipolar episode when I was six years old. I remember I was sitting on the edge of my bed pretending I was a clock (don't laugh...you did stuff like that when you were six years old). I remember she started screaming and it seems like years later she has never stopped. It is funny how the one thing that scares you as a child haunts you the rest of your life. The feeling of powerless and being out of control.

When I returned from Las Vegas my mother looked really sick and was taken to the hospital. She was transported to a mental health facility as she was not coherent. She has been in over a month. At one point the level of lithium in her blood was toxic and they had to let her off her medication to allow the lithium to fade out of her system. She seemed better but then started refusing her medication. Every time I go to visit I don't know if she will recognize me and we can have a conversation or if she will be incoherent and ramble on about anything & everything.

It is odd to see a loved on in a hospital. Especially my mom. She was a brilliant thinker and maybe considered a visionary or revolutionary in her field. She achieved a graduate degree in speech communication and wrote a book. She was working on a second book but considering her recent set back she won't be completing it anytime soon.

Some times it helps to talk about it and I can not share with anyone I work with nor do I have many friends who are super close or understand. I often wondered what it would be like to go to an AA meeting and just talk about being misunderstood and struggling with a huge problem. If I phrase it just right they might think I'm a struggling addict.

If you are reading this and believe in God and pray then say a few prayers for my mom. She could use a few prayers.