Journaling

I have been rereading Gordon McDonald’s Ordering Your Inner World. He covers a variety of practices that help to develop the inner world. One thing he advocates is journaling. I have kept journals since I was fourteen. At that point in time it led me to believe I was becoming a great writer, developing my mind, and becoming a brilliant thinker. I recently reread some of those journal entries and they are all about girls I liked & what emotions I experienced during the day with my usual crazy nonsense in every other sentence. At least what I journal today has good sentence structure, ideas, reflections, and semi-coherent thoughts. Most of my previous entries looked similar to “I LOVE so-so, she is wonderful and makes me feel SO gooooood”. Maybe there was a bit more there but I can see how my journaling has definitely improved over the years and I enjoy rereading my more recent journals then the ones from when I was fourteen (note to self: burn or recycle journals from the teenage years soon).

I have gotten out of the habit of journaling and I am not sure why. Maybe I am tired at the end of the day? Maybe I feel like I ask more questions than arrive at answers? It can be difficult to capture in writing my mental discoveries as sometimes the joy of a revelation is best treasured as an internal experience and best kept or stored in the mind.

It might have happened during that time in my life where I let go of all my coping skills and ended up in a place without them. It was not until after I was in counseling a few years ago I rediscovered the joy of awareness and discovery. Those seemed like life changing revelations at that point in time and I seem to have already lost them (sad).

The more I think about journaling it has played a strong mechanism for reflection and also examining thoughts & emotion that I cannot always do with another person. Sometimes it is a place for discovery and at other times I am doing it just because I think my writing is excellent and my thoughts are genius (the simple proof there is a God is that he did not strike me down after I wrote that last sentence or this sentence...but if I get hit my a bus tomorrow at least I will know why)!

Over the last five years or so I spent most of my time entertaining myself, getting outside and living an active lifestyle, as well as pursing various interests such as counseling, reading, investing, and volunteering. Maybe I have substituted blogging for journaling as a writing exercise and reflective practice? I do tend to lend more humor to my blog and less introspective ideas or much about my emotions on my blog. I am guess I am still not sure how much is too much to self disclose and yet I enjoy writing exercises where I explore these issues on a public blog for anyone to read (that last sentence is proof I will self disclose just about anything...including how indecisive I can be).

As I bring this blog entry to a close I am temped to mock myself by stating I am writing about journaling therefore I have no life & it sucks! I am also tempted to close with a thought full of sentiment, or an original quib, or something that I think is profound but is probably not even coherent English. I will do neither, I will end with a question for anyone reading this blog entry. What do you like to read & how important is reflection to you fellow bloggers?