I am a misfit

I hate to admit it but I am a misfit. It is easy to look to people who obviously don’t fit in and identify them as misfits. The person who does not have great social skills, the person who laughs at everything and does not think much (they admit it themselves, usually while laughing), and the older single (after a certain age everyone is expected to marry or be with someone so older single people are misfits).

While I do fit in with many social circles and do not have many obvious flaws, I am a misfit. I am different and I know it.

There was a time when I knew what the inside of most mental health wards in Denver looked like, because I had been in them visiting my mom. I knew what it was like to cry myself to sleep more than a few nights and to be alone many times in my childhood. My father was working and mom was in the hospital or recovering and not able to give me & my sister much attention. I did learn to take care of myself and was put in positions where I had to take care of my mother and my sister at times. I grew up to fast in some ways and my childhood experience was definitely not healthy. As a result I am pretty independent and keep to myself. I am not like most guys, I don't have the urge to leave some sort of legacy while exercising lots of control & displaying confidence. Maybe my misfit characteristics are not obvious but I am a misfit.

As I contemplate how I am the way I am I wonder why. What is the purpose? What road am I on and how can God use a misfit like me?