Grieving

I was not sure what to expect with the grieving process since my mother has passed. I was at peace with her passing but that does not mean I will not have to deal with emotions & or that I will not go through the grieving process. I have allowed myself time to feel & deal with the anger & sadness but I noticed more emotion which I was not sure how to deal with or maybe I am not ready to deal with? Time may be the best answer to this question.

I have not felt anything overwhelming or experienced anything that I could not work through emotionally & logically. There have been less than a handful of moments where I was overwhelmed with emotion but had dealt with it in moments. I have also noticed I have experienced a few of the stages of grief & loss. I have had moments where I experienced pieces of anger, sadness, and the bargaining stages. I know there is no set way to go through the process and I may go through the stages multiple times or stay in one for a long period of time.

The only thing that really shocks me about all of this is how much it helps to get plenty of rest & be well fed. I usually get seven hours maybe seven and a half hours of sleep but some nights I am getting nine. I have also started to eat larger meals which seems to be soothing.

Having many diversions helps as well. I have let a few projects slide as most of my free time has been spent on rehabbing my ankle, reading, or catching up with friends. I think having more time to myself also me to feel like life is moving forward. If I was not doing as much I could see how focusing on my grief could cause the emotions to form a cycle of anger, sadness, that would consume my thinking and keep me from trying to move on.

Finding rituals help as well. During church services I now light a candle for my mother. I want to get back to writing & reading at open mic events. Get back into acting & using my theatrical abilities as well. I know the activities I volunteer my time to I can dedicate them to my mother.

I have also been considering how my mother lived her life and how I can emulate her to honor her memory. She had some natural character traits that do not come naturally for me and I will need to work at a couple areas but I know I can honor her by making my life count. By using my time, talents, and abilities I can honor her memory and live in the same way she lived which will keep the best parts of her alive.