Control

One thing that I noticed about the last month is the lack of control I have at work, with friends, and in general. At work I may have projects dumped on me, a barrage of incoming emails & phone calls about emergencies that consume my time all day, or unexpected problems to respond to without any support. I manage to do it but I struggle with having zero sense of control.

My workouts were taken over to get fit for the Tough Mudder. I was running and going to run in a 10k race but got off schedule while training for the Tough Mudder. Now that it is over I can do what I want for exercise. I have had so many house sitting gigs the last month & a half I cannot enjoying relax at my favorite hangout in Lakewood because I am forced to be in a different side of town.

I am reacting to everything and it drives me bonkers. I like the feeling of managing my schedule, my time, and my life. Lately I have been forced to do react to various things. It reminds me of being in high school and the feelings of helplessness as I would scurry from work, to school, and to church.

In some ways this is an odd post for me because I am not very guyish and never thought being in control or having power was very important but here I am realizing how little control I have had over my life & schedule the last month and a half and it bothers me. Guess I am like most men after all. The C word is all about control and I can't wait to exercise some control over my time & life.