Quote I enjoyed

Life is not about discovering yourself,
Life is about creating who you are.
-Anonymous

DQ

I finished a run today and while driving home I visited a near by Orange Julius. After a work out a delicious smoothie sounded great! I have not treated myself to a smoothie from OJ in years and there don't seem to be many OJ's around. A great start to a weekend, a run on a beautiful sunny day and a smoothie from OJ.

I do those things I said I would never do

When I was a kid I had the die hard friend mentality. You know what is & what it means. It is the type of mentality where you believe you will always be there for you friends no matter how old you get or where you live. You believe you will always stay in touch with your friends and you believe that no matter what happens in life you will always want to talk with or be connected to your friends. We have all thought those types of thoughts and they are beautiful and pure and noble but they what we think when we are young.

Something happens to us, where we loose that innocence and that love & that passion. Maybe after years of seeing how people treat each other unkindly or unjustly we loose that passion. Maybe it is after we experienced negative or unfriendly behavior in friendships or from coworkers or people we interact with. Maybe it is because we realize that as we get older we don't have to be involved in every aspect of other people's lives as we are so busy with our own lives and keeping them afloat. Maybe I am no where near the reason why and I should stop guessing.

Today while walking I bumped into a Friend from college that I knew over twelve years ago. We reconnected a year ago and have not called or emailed. We even joked about how we still have each others business card and stare it thinking I need to call that guy. The truth is we aren't going to call each other.

Growing up I swore I would never do that or be that type of guy but the reality is I am. I don't want to reconnect with certain people from my past. I think I realize that whatever friendship & connection we had was not strong enough to last over the years so why rekindle a weak connection? Or maybe we weren't all that close? If I see him a year from now I probably won't even say hi.

Coherent thoughts on the subject of Evil

As I reread my blog from time to time to secrectly admire my work I must admit there are times where I reread a blog post and think "Wow that was awful" or "why did I post that" or even "OMG rewrite that post immediately or delete it". I was just rereading my post where I reacted to the shooting in Aurora and I was kind of all over the place. I wanted to follow up with a post about evil & suffering and meaning in evil and suffering but I figured I would butcher that post as well.

So I decided to provide a link to an email exchange by a pastor I have known for years. Bill is one of the most bright & intelligent men I have had the pleasure of knowing & hearing him speak from time to time. Bill respondes to questions about evil in an email and address them much more coherently then I ever could so I will provide a link to his blog below.

I hope you take a moment to check out this interesting email from Bill Honsberger. Enjoy!

Click here for the email

The day I have...

Today I woke up tired as I did not sleep well, got off to work late as I left my bus pass at home so I had to drive into work. I ripped my shirt, will spend more money than I want to today, and I have tons of things to do which I won’t get all of them done. All in all today is shaping up to be a low point in my week.

A low point, a bad day, a loss, a negative 24, a downer, or a loser of a day. Maybe it is not a bad day but a day to gain perspective? Perspective of all the good things or what type of things I focus on and what types of things I should be focusing on. Hmmmmmmmmmm

Another Belated Birthday Connection

I forgot my Mother’s birthday a week ago. I finally had some free time to go visit my mother and take her a card. I felt good about having a card for her and being able to visit her but when I got to her place she was asleep. I do not mean lightly sleeping, she was out like a light, snoring louder than a chainsaw, and I couldn’t wake her by taking her hand or shaking her. I spent a few minutes sitting with her holding her hand & wondering if she has always snored this loud (I think that is reasonable & rational question to ask when you are near someone who snores loudly...don't think I am a horrible son for wondering that about my mother. I am a horrible son because I was a week late in visiting my mother for her birthday!).

I turned off her TV & her light and left the birthday card on her counter. The last time I visited my mother she was also asleep and I also could not wake her. Sometimes the only memories you can get or have are the quiet moments with someone. Moments where no words are spoken and only you know about it. There are many days where those are memories worth treasuring.

Books I have read this year...

I read a few classical pieces last year and got the I don't read enough classic literature out of my system and now I am back to reading fiction, sci-fi, and what ever else catches my fancy.

Books I have read this year include:

Against All Enemies by Tom Clancy
Notes from the Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky
Suicide Kings by George Martin
Ordering your Private World by Gordon MacDonald
Moonlight Mile by Dennis LeHane
Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglas by Frederick Douglas

The above include a nice hodge podge of action - thriller, classic literature, science fiction, spiritual/self improvement, crime noir & a historial first person narrative. At least it can be said I love variety.

I am currently reading the following:

What is so great about Christianity by Dinesh DeSouza
Dexter & Philosophy by various authors

Lakers!

They have signed Dwight Howard? Wow & very cool!! Forget football season...I'm ready for basket ball season to start!!

A birthday card

I read an article about how Wesley Snipes is doing time for failing to pay his income taxes. The article mentioned it was his birthday recently & listed his address so fans could send him a birthday card.

I figured why not send him a card, after all I have been entertained by many of his movies. The only hard part is figuring out which card to send him. Well I can now cross off my bucket list "Sending birthday card to movie star or celebrity"!

My odd epiphany

I had an epiphany this weekend when I was in conflict with a friend. It was not a big conflict or anything to destroy a friendship, no screaming, no yelling. We had a disagreement and I had this moment where I realized what I wanted to do and I had this moment to make a choice about doing what I wanted vs going along with my friend (If you are reading this right now you may think I am slightly off, take medications, etc., etc.,...go ahead laugh & make jokes). Maybe it takes conflict to make those ideas or choices come to life enough I am aware of them.

Being conscious is something I take for granted and it is something I willingly give up so often. I get so caught up in rushing off to my job and doing volunteer work or hanging out with friends that I forget to be aware of my own thoughts & feelings. I know it sounds odd to be so busy I shut myself down but that is how I coped with life growing up. I just sucked it up and was strong and in doing so I did not allow myself to feel certain things or think certain things. You do what you need to do survive.

Maybe it is also part of being an adult, I don't let other people control me or manipulate me and I have my own opinions. Part of living is following your desires and doing what you need to so you can pursue what makes you happy or at least allows one to get by. Maybe I have spent so much time doing I rarely stop in the moment to be and be aware.

Whatever was going on I am not as worried about as I am grateful for that moment. It did revive in me something that is energetic and lively. Something about using my mind & will and being aware of them that I have not done lately. Maybe this explains why I get so hung up on entertainment instead of thinking or living or pursuing my dreams? (There I go wondering again...my major personality flaw) Either way I have noticed in the days since that conflict I have been mindful over the last few days. Some days it seems easier to not be mindful but I enjoy my observations and how it seems much easier to put things in perspective, respond to people, and handle situations when I am mentally alert.