You never know

You never know when someone will pass away. The day I thought I my Grand dad would pass away he didn’t. My father had called me after work a week ago and told me Grand dad was not doing well. Dad wasn’t sure how much longer Grand dad would live so now was the time for a visit. I was on the other side of town and in rush hour traffic but I managed to make it to his care facility in thirty minutes.

My Grand mother passed away exactly one month earlier and I was angry when I found out. I was angry because the urge to visit her came to me a few times before she passed away and I did not see her before she died. We weren’t close but I did want to see her before she passed away and I was upset with myself for not visiting her. I was not going to repeat the same mistake with my Grand father.

I will never forget walking into his room. He was hooked up a machine that helped him breathe and covered in blankets. His white gaunt features weren’t moving and my father was sitting with his back to me by Grand dad’s bed. The lighting was dim and only sounds were the beep of the oxygen machine, my grand dad’s long drawn out breaths, and some lady a couple rooms away repeatedly screaming “Let me out, someone let me out”. Suddenly Grand dad stopped breathing, the machine stopped beeping and all I could hear was a fragile female voice calling “Someone let me out”.

I have never seen anyone die before and the longer Grand dad didn’t breathe I thought I might watch him pass away in front of me. I wanted to say something but I couldn’t. It was like the moment was preserved in a sacred silence that left my father and I in a speechless awe. It seemed like minutes passed before my Grand dad started breathing again and that point I knew Grand dad wasn’t dying in front of me.

Over the next week he ate more and started talking more. My sister visited him with her son a few times and I visited a few times. It is nice that Noah was able to spend some time with his Great grand father even if he is too young to remember. My dad visited Grand dad every day that week.

One month and a week after his wife passed away Grand dad passed away while my dad was talking to the nurses who looked after him at his care facility. He wasn’t in any pain and had no health problems; he was dying of old age. My sister seemed to think he wouldn’t live much longer after Grand mother passed away. Being apart from his wife was too much and now he would have nothing to live for.

I remember one of his nurses noted his heart was still beating a fairly regular pace despite his body showing signs of it shutting down. Impressed by his health she told us he was a tough man. I remember watching him lay there and wondering what was worth living for and what he was holding on to. Later that night my sister tried to talk to him while he lay there. She told him she had many wonderful memories of him & grand mother and she loved him very much.

I don’t know where my sister was when Grand dad died but I know where I was. I was sitting on a park bench reading. It was a gorgeous day without a cloud in the sky. With Spring upon us I was dying to get outside and soak up the sun. It was extremely calm & peaceful day. I watched joggers & cyclists fly by. I watched people walking their dogs and I watched a man watching his children as they chased ducks around a pond. It is beautiful to watch life and be a part of if. This is how I remember my Grand parents lives. They worked outside and spent much time gardening, fishing, hunting, and hiking. They loved people and were surrounded by friends and family. They were active and always up to something be it church, reading, cooking, or caring for others they were full of energy and life. The more I reflect on my memories of them the more I am encouraged to live as they lived.